| Rebecca Jennings is a senior correspondent covering social platforms and the creator economy, with a focus on how social media is changing the nature of fame, fashion, money, and human relationships. |
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| Rebecca Jennings is a senior correspondent covering social platforms and the creator economy, with a focus on how social media is changing the nature of fame, fashion, money, and human relationships. |
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How to host holiday gatherings without losing your mind |
It was last fall, in the midst of preparing to host Thanksgiving for the first time in my Brooklyn apartment, that I became obsessed with a woman on TikTok who was, in all respects, doing it much, much better than me. For days, my feed filled up with Cecilia Tolone's adventures in preparing a Friendsgiving for 18 people in her apartment, which involved a detailed spreadsheet, a week-long schedule, and like, actually silver silverware. Tolone is a professional pastry chef, and I am merely someone who loves to throw parties. But there's something about hosting an actual holiday that's especially intimidating. So I asked Tolone and other pro hosts to share their advice on holding a gathering without going broke — or losing your grip. |
Consider Maslow's hierarchy of hosting |
Megan Fitzgerald, who has worked in event planning for 15 years, went viral earlier this spring for her adaptation of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but for party hosting. At the bottom are the basic comfort necessities for guests: a clean space, a bathroom stocked with enough toilet paper, and enough water (with enough cups) to go around. The other tiers — "communication," "belonging," "fun," and "surprise" are the cherries on top, covering things like how to inform your guests of crucial information, making sure each guest has at least two or three people they've already met at least once, and creating a theme or an activity to break the ice. (You'll notice that none of these require a ton of spending!) She also advises finding the "why" of your party: Maybe it's that you're hoping to establish new traditions within your circle, or that you want to reconnect with your religion. Maybe you want your home to feel like a safe haven for folks who don't have anywhere else to go during the holidays. "If you know your 'why,' a lot of those [hosting decisions] will fall into place," Fitzgerald says. | Skip the single-use decor |
"This, I have very strong feelings about," says Tolone, after I mention the cheap Amazon banners, photo backdrops, or themed paper plates and napkins I see at events. Tolone's approach is to slowly build a hosting toolkit over time, not on Amazon but at thrift stores. "If you're hosting Thanksgiving, you don't have to have everything this year. This year can be for candlesticks, and next year can be for the tablecloth. Hosting is a lifestyle. You will collect things — and thrift, thrift, thrift!" |
Calculate how much to cook |
A holiday gathering — particularly Thanksgiving — is one of those times where if you don't think your pants are about to burst by the end of the night, you feel like you've wasted the day. So making or ordering enough food for everyone to have a heaping first plate (and ideally a second) is a must. Southern Living recommends calculating about a pound of food per person, and half a pound per child. For turkey, make sure you've got a pound and a half per person (because the bones and the water cooking off means you'll be left with about 8 ounces per person). Another way to think about it: Each person should have around 5 bites for an appetizer, 8 ounces of protein, and another 8 ounces of sides total. "You need a spoonful of stuffing for 15 people," says Tolone. "When you break down the food, it's a lot of carbs and frozen vegetables, which are actually pretty affordable." If you're still worried you might not have enough food, it might help knowing that Ina Garten thinks that's chic, actually. "People have more fun if they don't eat so much they have to be taken home in an ambulance," she said in her 2004 book on entertaining. For wine, stock at least one bottle per wine-drinking person. "I know that sounds crazy," Fitzgerald says, "But if you're there for four hours, that's a glass of wine an hour!" |
Embrace potlucks and takeout |
There's nothing wrong with asking guests to bring their own dishes if you can't shoulder the entire expense, but it requires advance planning and perhaps a shared spreadsheet. Last year, my biggest stressor was whether the person who agreed to bring the mashed potatoes would flake at the last minute. I could only send so many reminders: How could I be a good potluck host without sounding like a drill sergeant? As Daniel Post Senning of the Emily Post Institute explains, "This is the art of good etiquette. It's about being consistent and persistent without being demanding or disappointed." Fitzgerald recommends leaning on your most type-A, reliable friends. Send a group text with a list of everything you need, and have them volunteer for their dishes. "Then the people you can't rely on, just tell them to bring wine," she says. It's a good idea for the host to at least supply the main dish, however, even if it's takeout. "I actually think some forms of takeout are secretly less expensive than cooking," says Fitzgerald. "If you go to a restaurant that does, like, a vat of pasta, sometimes it can be 70 bucks and you can feed 15 people." |
Finally, encourage fun guests by being a fun host |
Earlier this year, the New York Times ran a piece where they asked dozens of professionally fun and stylish people to give their best party advice. Almost all of them emphasized the same point: Stop stressing out. "If you stress out, then everything is going to stress you out," said one investment executive. Another said, "When you invite people into your home, you need to let go." Other old etiquette standbys can still be useful: "Make sure you greet every person as they arrive," says Senning. "Make introductions appropriately, check in with them, and thank them for coming and for any contributions that they made." Senning also suggests finding small ways to make the party special, like making a toast: "Maybe it's a signature drink, or a moment where the family gets up and shares what they've done in the last year. But think about some things that you could do that would make a holiday gathering where people have made a little extra effort to get there. As a host, you can have fun with that. Reward it, honor it, match it." In my own case, the most fun part of Thanksgiving was after dinner, when I was sitting with my girlfriends on the floor around the coffee table, playing silly drinking games and singing to the music we listened to in high school. When all is said and done, "People will forget whether the roast was a little overdone, or whether someone brought this salad or that salad," he adds. "But they will remember how they felt in your company." |
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| The money pressures of the holidays are legion. Read more from Even Better's guide to get you through the season with both your credit score and sanity intact. |
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| Prince is the subject of a new film from one of the greatest living documentarians, but it might never come out and almost no one's seen it. We talk to someone who did: editor and writer Sasha Weiss. |
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Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post |
RFK Jr. was tapped for HHS secretary. What does that mean? A proponent of anti-vax pseudoscience, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. makes for a perplexing pick to run the nation's foremost health agency. But in many ways, he's the personification of the growing distrust of science and "the public health establishment" many Americans have felt in the post-pandemic era. And speaking of our fractured trust in science… Survey data reveals the impact of Covid-19 in creating today's partisan culture war on vaccines and in gutting most Americans' belief that scientists work in the interest of public health. These charts break down how bad it's become. The high court will hear a major trans rights case: In just a few weeks, the Republican-majority Supreme Court is set to hear United States v. Skrmetti, which asks whether discrimination against transgender people can violate the Constitution. It arrives at a moment in which the Republican Party is all in on animus toward transgender people. Here's what's at stake. Trump's plan to put loyalists in at the DOJ: The president-elect has tapped Todd Blanche, the criminal defense lawyer in his New York hush money trial, as deputy attorney general, and John Sauer, who represented him in the Supreme Court case holding that Trump is allowed to use the powers of the president to commit crimes, to serve as solicitor general. The moves give loyalists worrisome power, especially in light of Trump's threats to punish political adversaries and people he views as foes.
A clearer, sunnier social media age is dawning: Bluesky looks a lot like the old Twitter you knew and loved, with a chronological listing of your images, videos, and links. Your feed is not ruled by an algorithm — and oh, Elon Musk isn't in charge of it. Sign us up?
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A horse is a horse, of course, unless it's also a mysterious cipher with "vast emotional fathoms": If you're looking for a satisfying read that has nothing to do with politics, this piece on how horses have an almost preternatural gift for unlocking a heightened awareness in humans is for you. [New York Times Magazine] Celebrity-crush lookalike contests are a thing now: Timothée Chalamet, Dev Patel, Paul Mescal — if you happen to bear a resemblance to one of them, you could win cash (and score many phone numbers). The real Chalamet even showed up at one. [Wall Street Journal] |
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When it comes to combating climate change, there is so much talk of the need for systemic overhauls. This is understandable! It can also make us feel helpless as individuals. But what if there was something easy, joyful, and hyperlocal you could do — even if you're, say, a renter in a big city? Cat Willett explores the concept of rewilding in an inspiring illustrated piece for Vox. |
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Today's edition was produced and edited by senior editor Lavanya Ramanathan. We'll see you tomorrow! |
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