How to help stepsiblings adjust and thrive

Brady Bunch not so much

View this email online April 14, 2024 by Andrea Muraskin From Cinderella to the Brady Bunch, our culture has a lot of funny ideas of what it’s like to live in a blended family. But real life blended families are common, and pretty different from fiction. So this week we’ve got some reality and science-based advice on how to form healthy bonds between stepsiblings, as well as between stepchildren and their stepparents. And: Many kids and teens are taking up vaping – here’s how to talk to yours about ecigarettes. Also: How new therapies are helping more people survive lung cancer.  Blended families are common. Here are tips to help stepsiblings get along Lily Padula for NPR In elementary school I had a classmate named Jackie whose parents divorced when she was little. They’d each remarried, and Jackie had stepsiblings on both sides. I remember listening to her speak proudly about having two families.  Adult stepsisters Lisa Garrard and Kirsten Brandt James say their relationship is great now – as close as biological siblings –  but moving into a blended household when they were kids initially felt like a slap in the face. Stepfamilies are fundamentally different structures than “first-time” families, and what works in first-time families can backfire in stepfamilies, says Patricia Papernow, a psychologist and expert in stepfamily relationships. Papernow shared guidelines for how to integrate kids into a new family structure with NPR’s Maria Godoy.  The first factor Papernow wants couples to consider is the speed of the changes. You may have met the love of your life and be imagining your blissful future together while your kids are still strangers to each other. "One of the dilemmas is that as the rate of change goes up, kids' well-being goes down. Kids need to go much more slowly," Papernow says. As you get used to simply spending more time together with your partner and kids, Papernow says it’s really important to preserve one-on-one time with your biological child. Your child may be grieving the loss of your old family unit, and worried that their relationship with their parent is changing. Papernow says it’s also a great idea to create new rituals that encourage everyone to bond. She says it’s best to start out with low-stakes group outings well before you move in together, so kids can get to know each other without pressure.  As for parenting, there are some parts, like discipline, that should remain the job of the biological parent. She encourages stepparents to work to form a positive relationship with their step kids – as more of a friendly supporter than another parent figure.  Read more on how to help stepsiblings bond. Plus: The key to stepparenting: be patient, it takes time Newsletter continues after sponsor message After 40 years of smoking, she survived lung cancer thanks to new treatments Denise Lee For people who’ve smoked heavily for many years, it’s recommended to get screened for lung cancer after age 50 – even if you quit long ago. But nationally, only 4.5% of those eligible get those scans, compared to rates of more than 75% for mammograms. Oncologist Andrea McKee says that part of the problem is patients often blame themselves for the disease. saying: "I know I did this to myself. And so I don't think I deserve to get screened.”  But no one deserves to die of lung cancer. And the benefits of getting screened are increasing. Survival rates from lung cancer are dramatically improving, allowing some patients with relatively late-stage cancers to live for years longer, as NPR’s Yuki Naguchi reports.  Take Denise Lee. At 56, she went in for her recommended CT scan and the doctors found an early, but dangerous tumor. After a surgeon removed the tumor, she received a newer type of treatment, immunotherapy  – which stimulates the body's own defense system to identify foreign cells, then uses the immune system's own power to fight the cancer as if it were a virus. Another innovative therapy is targeted to attack genetic material inside cancer cells.  "I'm just so grateful that my diagnosis was early because then I had options," she says. "I could have surgery, I could have chemotherapy, I could be a part of a clinical trial,” says Lee, who is now in remission.  Learn about new tools to beat lung cancer. Also: Lung cancer survival rates rise, but low screening rates leave many people at risk Support your local station with NPR+  Enjoy sponsor-free listening from your favorite NPR podcasts, and even get bonus episodes from shows like Fresh Air, Planet Money, NPR Politics, Throughline, and even Wait Wait Don't... Tell Me!  NPR+ supporters also get discounts to the NPR Shop and NPR Wine Club.  Sign up for NPR+ Know a podcast lover who might like NPR+ as a gift? that's an option too! Just look for the "give a gift" link near the signup button. How to talk to your kid about vaping Rebecca Blackwell/AP Denise Lee told NPR she started smoking cigarettes in high school back in the 1970s because she thought it would help her lose weight. Things look very different today. While teen smoking has declined in recent years, vaping nicotine went up. Now 1 in 5 high school seniors said they vaped in the last year, in an ongoing University of Michigan survey. And more than 2 million middle and high school students reported that they currently use e-cigarettes in a 2023 survey conducted by the FDA.  Vapes often contain more nicotine than cigarettes. And that plus the sweet, fruity flavors make them super addictive, as WFYI’s Lee V. Gaines reports. She spoke with pediatrician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Deepa Camenga and National Institute on Drug Abuse director Nora Volkow for guidance on how parents can approach their children and teens about vaping.  Since e-cigarettes have become so common in this age group, Camenga recommends bringing up the subject with your kids regardless of whether they’ve been exposed to vapes before. And start as young as elementary school. You can help protect your child from vaping by being "the first person to have that conversation with them. It's in their benefit to hear what your expectations are," Camenga says.  Here's how to approach the subject and what to tell kids about the dangers of vaping.  Plus: Disposable vapes are illegal. So why is it so easy to buy them? Before you go: Olha Khorimarko /Getty Images Listen: Anti-diet culture gets hijacked by big food companies EPA puts limits on 'forever chemicals' in drinking water An artificial womb could build a bridge to health for premature babies More states are finding bird flu in cattle. This is what scientists are watching for We hope you enjoyed these stories. Find more of NPR's health journalism online. All the best, Andrea Muraskin and your NPR Health editors Listen to your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to hear live radio from Central Florida Public Media (edit station). What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: health@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. 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