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| Grief is often described as an emotion so strong it knocks you off your feet, like an ocean wave, or doubles you over like a punch in the stomach. For writer Lauren DePino it wasn’t just a metaphor.
DePino took a tumble down her patio steps a few days before an anticipated trip to her grandfather’s ancestral home on Italy’s Amalfi Coast. When she planned the trip more than a year earlier, DePino hoped to meet up with her beloved aunt Theresa in Italy. Instead, Theresa died of cancer, sooner than the family expected. And it turned out that DePino’s mother and two sisters, who had all been close to Theresa, each had fallen recently too. DePino wrote about her fall and her experience coping with grief for NPR’s Shots blog.
Since the death of a loved one is a completely novel experience, it is "very energetically expensive," says therapist and grief expert Meghan Riordan Jarvis. She says that grief can impair our balance as well as memory and ability to perform multistep functions.
Once in Amalfi, DePino found herself navigating labyrinthine staircases up and down the hillsides. Following the advice of The Grieving Brain author Mary-Frances O'Connor, DePino tried to focus on the present moment, engaging in whole hearted awareness of what she was doing.
She writes “When I lagged…down the hill navigating those craggy stairs with a painstaking finesse, I understood that when I fell on my patio, I was living in a daze. The same close attention that kept me from toppling into the cerulean sea that my grandfather stared at as a boy is the same intentionality I must apply to my own forward motion.”
Read DePino’s essay on the physical and mental effects of grief, and how she regained her balance.
Listen: 'Grief Is for People' is Sloane Crosley's memoir about losing a close friend
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Earlier this year, we asked our readers and listeners for their advice for living a long and healthy life. Richard Brown of Cranford, NJ, 74, shared how he's moving forward after the death of a spouse He writes:
"In the wake of my wife's passing in May 2021, I found myself struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy in my day-to-day life. That's when I started incorporating a set of daily routines that have become essential to my well-being. Two habits, in particular, have been lifelines for me - walking and reading. Every day, rain or shine, I walk around my neighborhood, taking in the fresh air and scenery. I also read daily, a source of comfort and escape during difficult times.
As of February 25, 2024, I have completed my 1,036th consecutive daily walk. Although walking was always enjoyable, my current daily walking route began the day after my wife's funeral. I woke up at 5:30 am daily with unwavering commitment and a clear purpose. I feel energized and ready to seize the day as I leave my apartment. My daily walk is not just about the number of miles I cover but also about my journey of perseverance and self-discipline."
Learn more about the science and secrets of longevity in NPR's special series How to Thrive as You Age. |
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Another term for the quiet attentiveness to the current moment Lauren DePino cultivated while climbing the staircases of Amalfi is mindfulness. People practice mindfulness today in a myriad of ways. For example, you can take an eight-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course as piloted by Jon-Kabat Zinn, spend an few hours a week at your local Buddhist meditation center, find a yoga class on YouTube, or simply put on your headphones and turn all of your attention to a beautiful piece of music, breathing with the beat. Meditation and mindfulness have many known health benefits, including helping to process trauma and manage anxiety, improve eating habits, and ease chronic pain.
Considering all the promising studies about mindfulness and meditation in recent decades, Financial Times investigative reporter Madison Marriage was surprised to receive an email from a father describing “terrifying damage” to the psyches of his adult twin daughters as a result of their participation in meditation retreats. The young women’s problems emerged after they began meditating. They included mania, hallucinations, and a sense of disconnection from the world and their former selves.
The type of meditation the twins practiced was particularly intense. They both attended Vipassana retreats run by the decentralized Goenka organization. At Goenka retreats participants sit in silence for 10 hours a day, for 10 days at a stretch, with a strict schedule and limited nutrition. Over the course of a year, Marriage interviewed nearly two dozen people who experienced serious psychological problems while attending Goenka retreats around the world, as well as family members of attendees. Her investigation is laid out in a new podcast, Untold: The Retreat, from the Financial Times and Goat Rodeo.
I spoke with Marriage about what she learned about the potential risks of this type of intense meditation, and the changes former participants and their families would like to see to increase safety at retreats.
Plus: 'Sit, Walk, Don't Talk': An author finds comfort at a silent meditation retreat |
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HUIZENG HU/Getty; Cbording/Getty; Israel Sebastian/Getty |
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We hope you enjoyed these stories. Find more of NPR's health journalism online.
All the best,
Andrea Muraskin and your NPR Health editors |
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