This week, we published a story on how new parents can fairly split housework and child care duties with a newborn at home. “The division of roles and responsibilities is the biggest difficulty that parents face” when bringing home a new baby, says couples coach Aaron Steinberg. What often happens is that both parents feel like they’re taking on too many tasks, he says. And that can lead to resentment -- on top of the stress of taking care of a newborn. Some of you wrote in with your thoughts on the story. These responses have been edited for length and clarity. The birthing partner needs way more support With all due respect, the birthing parent needs more support than the non-birthing parent. Splitting chores 50-50 or 60-40 does not help the birthing parent recover from physical trauma after birth. The non-birthing parent needs to balance the scale in a far more generous way than doing laundry and diapering. Having a baby is hard for everyone involved. It is harder for the person who physically produced the baby. --Sheri Fabian My wife and I alternated the days we cared for our son There is a natural tendency for child care duties to fall to women but I wanted to do my share.So my wife and I came up with the idea of alternating days for child care responsibility. Weekends were split one day on, one day off. Night duty was split into two shifts: 10:00 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. If one person was at work (we both had part-time jobs), the other was caring for our son. Be creative. Divide free time equally but remain flexible. Trade days. Take over when your partner needs a break even if it isn’t your turn. --Jack McKee |